Burger Day Explained.

Hi there, welcome to this blog, I'm your host, Snap.

I'm here to explain burger day to the thousands of unknowing, uncool people who ask me what it is all the time.

Let's start here. Burger day isn't an event, it's not a get-together, it's not a speakeasy secret club, nor a celebrity roast, it's a phenomenon! I feel lucky to be a part of it. You know how you feel like your job isn't that cool because you are just there to serve others and just get through the day so you can have a nice life and pay rent and stuff? I guess my job is not like that (I do pay rent and stuff tho, but that's fine). I serve others, sure, and of course some, if not all, customers can be an ass sometimes. I think they have a secret ticket machine somewhere and wait for their number to be called and then they meet ME. The best thing about my job though, is the people I work with, They are family, in fact, even more than family, I can build up and break down in front of them and no one resents me for it. You can't do that with family.

On to the burgers: We really put a lot of effort into building these masterpieces. Each burger starts as a half-pound meatball, usually about a 80/20 lean fat combo. We have special onion rolls made just for us. In the morning before we open we spend over an hour and a half just preparing, slicing rolls, tomatoes, onions, lettuce, toasting rolls, rolling meat into 8oz. balls, prepping the grill, stocking the cooler, rotating stocks, and listening to metal. By the time 11:30 rolls around, there are usually about 20-50 people lined up outside, the ones at the end of the line are completely happy to wait 40 minutes to an hour for one burger. There's a bar next door. Toronado, the single best beer bar in the city. If you can't be happy waiting there you can't be happy anywhere, especially when Johnny, Alene, or Stu are working.

My usual job after opening is to prep all the veggies and breads, set up the burgers per order, 12 at a time, until we're done. It's not fun, it's not a game, and lots of people stare at me. My new favorite line is, "You know, most mammals interpret being stared at as a sign of aggression, including humans. Including me." - it's really the only thing that bothers me. Like, "when did this become socially acceptible? I didn't get that memo." - it's not the staring so much as the dumb-faced scrutinization and wanton look like being sad-eyed towards me will make me work faster (it actually slows me down, I get distracted because I like the attention) - BUT! I digress. It IS fun, my co-workers make sure of that, be it Charlie, Scott, Marin, Derek, Jamie, Adam, Keegan, or even Christine! These are all faces from the burger days of my recollection. And Sergio and Nate make special guest appearances too! Sometimes I cook the burgers too, I'm pretty good at it :)

More on burgers: We cook them exactly as you like them, all the temperatures, from rare to well, we'll even burn it or leave it bleeding if you sign a waiver. We pop them onto a fire grill, sprinkle a little salt and pepper on there, grill them, flip them, then add a nice aged cheddar (no other cheese choice, just cheddar.) Then we dress up toasted onion rolls with a special love of pickles, grilled onions, ketchup, brown mustard, lettuce, tomato, and whatever else you may ask for (chili, hot or sweet peppers, mango chutney, kraut, etc.) - We make about 160, including ours, and we serve our regular menu of sausages throughout the day - sometimes vegans come in and don't care that the entire grill is covered in meat, they order a veggie sausage anyway; I think they like the smell (but don't worry, there's always a section of our grill that never touches meat, I can't say the same about wheat tho!) - sometimes people come in and balk at a 10 minute wait for a burger! I say, "You realize most people wait up to an hour on tuesdays, right?" - they order a sausage instead, which takes about 3 minutes less if there's no wait for either. Fine.

The best part is all the people who have "never had one, but always heard about it" - these people leave astounded and addicted.  And they always thank us, and almost always leave an extra tip.

At about 2-2:30 pm we run out, then I have to do a bunch of stuff to turn us back into a sausage grill. Burger day takes 3 people. Sausage takes 1 or 2 people, and different setup. It's always a rush to get it converted. You'd think I'd say, "whew, burgers are done, now I can relax!" - nope, I have to wash every dirty dish, stock peppers and clean surfaces, move a buncha stuff around, chop a shit-ton of onions, and finish drinking whatever beers are left in the cooler for me. OH! and serve customers, STILL?!?! won't they ever STOP ordering? Then 4:30 rolls around and I'm like, "eff you guys, I'm goin' to the bar! and is my burger ready yet?"

And that's the whole story. Read at risk of it being edited later.

kloveyabye! and that's why the fish can't swim.

Frank