Sad Post.

My friend died. It was 5 years ago. I just heard about it.

I'm brooding, and I feel selfish, and don't want to talk about it.

She was a sweet angel. And very attractive. And kind of a little sister to me. She was lil' Deb. She was an intellectual, and an accomplished artist, so creative! ..and a teacher, an organizer of massive projects to improve arts and education, super-smart, funny, brassy, and always nice. And she was a sweet-ass hesher chick. She knew how to wear a rock t-shirt and make it look bad-ass but not overt. She was a lady.

I've thought about her a lot over the years, and it's always been, "I wonder what happened to her?" - and, "man, was I a dumbass to be such a gentleman to her because she earned my respect so much." - see, selfish and greedy thoughts... I don't want to concentrate on this. I want to commemorate her. She deserves it. She deserved everything. She embodied everything I support and aspire to be. I know it sounds like I'm being generous here, but she really did represent an ideal, if not to me, to humanity, or at least to the good side of humanity. She was important. and she mattered to me. and it really hurts that I find out years later that she has passed. and I'm being selfish again because I really want her to be around again. I want to tell her how much I loved and admired her.

I've cried a lot tonight. I know I write a lot of funny stuff. This is harsh. Death sucks. Even years after they are gone. and mourning feels wrong? why? why do I feel guilty for feeling bad? I don't get this...

I think.. if I had spent more time with this person, my life may be improved from what it is now... even though I am happy with my life now... it's all about missed opportunities. I didn't get the chance to say what I wanted to say, so I'm sad. Am I sad that she's gone? of course. is this the traditional response? and if it is, why am I angry with myself?

Because I loved her. That's why. There's nothing rational about love. and I'm crying about missed chances.

I don't know what else to say.

loveyabye.

Frank

Armadillo Reunion

It's been a while since I posted in this blog... A couple of days ago I posted this picture on Facebook:

Armadillos was a bar I worked at most of the late 90's - my favorite job ever - I lived upstairs in the building next door - the bar was an extended living room. It was my home before I lived upstairs - it's the reason I still live in the Lower Haight today. I tagged people in the photo until I ran out of tags - then tagged more in the comments. The response was amazing! Tons of cool/funny stories. Everyone asking about people they've lost touch with.  Other people commenting, whom I had completely lost touch with. A walk down foggy memory lane. From what we can remember.

So I started a Facebook Group, and now we're all utilizing it to find or inquire about people from the days of Armadillos. Or share stupid/classic/unforgettable events from those days. Some people posted great photos, some invited more people either from before my time, or maybe I just didn't remember because they weren't "regulars," and others just filled out details on stories already told. All of us reminisced about people who have passed away, bands that broke up, raging parties we've had, and others who have simply disappeared. I hope we find them ALL. It's always a surprise to find someone who was a "bestie" back in the day, but you've either lost touch with or they've moved away.

It's often said the best friends you'll make in life are usually found in your 30's. So true. I love every one of these people like family, better than family. If you're in this group and know someone who has a) either dropped off the face of the earth, or b) had a facebook account, but deleted it - implore them to reconnect. It's so worth it.

I'm pretty excited about this group, and as soon as it feels a little more fleshed out, I'm going to propose a Reunion Party at Molotovs on a night when handsome Nick is working. We will take that place over!

That is all for now. kloveyabye!

Frank.